Home for the Holidays: What to Notice When Visiting an Aging Parent

The holidays bring families together, often for more time than we get to spend with one another throughout the year. For adult children of aging parents, those longer visits can reveal changes that are difficult to notice from a distance.

Maybe Mom seems to have lost weight. Dad is moving a little more slowly. The house isn’t as tidy as you remember. There’s expired food in the refrigerator, unopened mail on the counter or more confusion around familiar routines.

Or maybe you can’t point to one particular thing. You just have a feeling that something has changed.

It can be unsettling. You may find yourself lying awake after everyone has gone to bed, wondering, Should I be concerned? What should I do? How do I even bring this up?

What to Notice During Your Holiday Visit

Spending a few days together gives you an opportunity to see how your parent is managing everyday life. Pay attention to changes such as:

• Physical changes: Changes in weight, mobility or personal care
• Memory and routines: Increased forgetfulness, confusion or difficulty with familiar tasks
• The home: More clutter than usual, expired food, unopened mail or other changes in how the household is being managed
• Social connection: Less time with friends, fewer activities or more time spent alone
• Everyday well-being: Signs that keeping up with day-to-day responsibilities may be becoming more difficult

Kim Salmon, Vice President of Customer Experience at SALMON Health & Retirement, encourages families to look beyond the obvious and pay particular attention to everyday routines.

“Noticeable changes in a loved one might be easily discounted due to the added stress of the holiday season, but careful observations can share more about what might be happening when we are not there,” Kim says. “The biggest thing to notice is their daily routine. What are they not doing these days? How much are they actually leaving the house? Are they cooking? What are they eating on a daily basis? Are they keeping doctor’s visits timely? How are they engaged or finding purpose in their lives?”

Sometimes the smallest details can tell you more. Piled-up mail or pots and pans that never seem to move from the stovetop, for example, may prompt questions about how daily life has changed.

If you notice changes during your holiday visit, it may be time to start asking questions about what comes next. For many families, that means beginning a conversation about whether senior living could offer the support, connection and peace of mind their loved one needs now or in the future.

Starting the Conversation

You don’t need to arrive at a decision over Thanksgiving dinner, but you can use this time together to begin an important conversation.

Ask your parent how things are going. What has become more difficult lately? What would they like to have more help with? What matters most to them as they think about the future?

It’s also important to approach those questions with curiosity rather than assumptions.

“Being quick to judge someone’s situation without really understanding why things are changing can create tension,” Kim says. “Exploring the reasons and finding ways to support a loved one takes some investigating. We might think that simple downsizing is the solution, but finding the best lifestyle option is critical for long-term health and wellness.”

Then, start exploring senior living together. Learning about the options available, visiting a community and asking questions can help your family better understand what senior living could look like and whether it may be the right next step.

At SALMON Health & Retirement, families can explore a continuum of senior living and care options, including Independent Living at The Willows, Assisted Living and Tapestry Memory Care at Whitney Place, Rehabilitation and Skilled Nursing at Beaumont, and additional support through SALMON Home Care.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you begin. The important thing is to start the conversation and learn what options are available.

Join Us for Did You Notice?

If some of these changes sound familiar, we’d love to welcome you to Whitney Place at Westborough for Did You Notice?, a dinner and thoughtful discussion presented by Kim Salmon, Vice President of Customer Experience. We’ll talk about the little changes you may notice in an aging loved one during the holidays, the tough questions those changes can raise, and how senior living may help support your loved one and your family.

Did You Notice? | November 17 at 5:00pm
Whitney Place at Westborough | Five Lyman Street, Westborough, MA 01581
Come share a meal, ask questions and learn more in a warm, welcoming setting.
Call Stephanie at (508) 329-7440 to RSVP.